RESTING B*TCH FACE

Written by Alice Bell | Artwork by Christina M Garcia

“I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I look fugly. Can we please leave already?” I complained on a recent photoshoot with STALK’s photographer, Christina. Not only did I sound like an ungrateful bitch, I looked like one too. I suffer from Resting Bitch Face—a common condition among many young women. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, RBF is when someone’s face, in its natural state, looks bitchy. It sounds ridiculous, but it is no laughing matter. I have had girls hate me immediately just because of how I look. “I thought you were a total snob when I first met you,” is something I hear on a regular basis. But as much as I (and every other basic white girl) like to complain about this problem, I secretly love looking like a bitch. Here’s why:

I. No one ever mistakes you for the “nice girl.” There’s nothing worse than this label. Nice is code for boring.

II. No loser guys approach you.

III. In fact no one ever approaches you, so you never have to engage in actual conversation with people.

IV. You can say whatever you want, no matter how inappropriate or insensitive, and get away with it, because everyone has already coined you as a bitch.

V. You never have to pretend like you give a shit, because your face clearly shows how disinterested you really are.

VI. You don’t embarrass yourself by crying in public, because you don’t know how to show emotion.

VII. No one dares to insult you, because they’re already terrified of you.

So if you have the same condition as I do, learn to embrace your inner bitch. The next time a person orders you to “SMILE!!” or “look alive!” flash them your fakest smile and politely tell them to fuck off.

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