SWIPE RIGHT

Written by Alice Bell

Tinder:

I have a love-hate relationship with Tinder. It’s perfect for when I’m feeling down and need a little self validation by swiping right on every single guy and racking up a shit ton of matches. However, once they actually start messaging me I’m so turned off. The worst is when a guy can’t take a hint and continues to message several times in a row saying how much he loves my hair…like thanks?

 

I’ve only actually met up with one guy off the app since I first downloaded it last summer, and we dated for 2 months (shocking, I know). It was definitely because he worked on Wall Street, and that’s really hot. Sadly, our short lived romance ended with me drunk and crying at 2am on the New York City subway platform. Another time my sister barged in on me modeling my wardrobe to this gay guy over FaceTime whom I had matched with. To this day she’s hesitant to leave me alone in a room with my phone. Other than that I’m pretty lazy about dating, so I never make the effort to meet in person. Still, I recommend Tinder as the best app out there, because you’re guaranteed to get a match even if you’re fugly.

Bumble:

“What century are you living in Alice??” is the response I usually receive when I tell people I never text a guy first. Therefore, I don’t use Bumble to find guys, since only the female can send the first message. I instead spend my time on the app searching for girls (no, not in a lesbian way).

Bumble recently launched their new BFF sector, where you can find girl friends to join your #squad. However, flirting with a potential friend proves to be a lot more difficult than talking to some rando guy. The first girl I matched with sent me a GIF a few minutes later. “Oh my god! What do I do?!” I squealed like a 12 year old girl whose crush had just winked at her. I did what I always do when I don’t know what to say: I sent her back a GIF of Ja’mie from Summer Heights High. Within 24 hours I had racked up a whole list of “hey girl hey” messages. We got to talking and my new friendships were consummated as quickly as I could hit “accept” on their Facebook friend requests later that day.

Hinge:

Hinge is the app which gets rid of all the random creeps, who you have nothing in common with and are just taking up space on Tinder. It only shows you people who you have mutual friends in common with, so unless you went to public school and are povo, your friends on Facebook should normally have attractive friends.

 

Jake, 23, confirms and says Hinge is his “go-to app for husband hunting.”

 

Downside to the app is that you run out of connections really quickly. When this happens, it starts asking you a ton of random questions like “Have you ever been mountain biking?” and “Do you hike?” Absolutely not. After answering no to about 80% of what the app asked me, I felt like kind of a shitty human being.

Double:

I can’t think of anything more awkward than going on a double-date as your first date. Like obviously one pair is going to hit it off better than another. Also what happens if you like your friend’s guy more than your own? Do you go to the bathroom and switch when you come back? It all sounds like something out of that Disney Channel original movie, Model Behavior. I would only be down for this if my sister was my double date partner, because we usually end up laughing at every single guy anyways.

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