GHOSTED

Written by Alice Bell | Artwork by Christina M Garcia

**names have been changed for purposes of anonymity**

If there’s one thing I can’t resist, it’s the boy who ghosts. I can be totally uninterested in a guy at first, and then the second he stops messaging me I’m completely smitten. What is he doing right now? Is he texting other girls? Has he seen my messages? He’s suddenly the most interesting person on earth, and I’m obsessed. Clearly, I’m not alone here.

 

I have a friend in London who is still getting over a guy who ghosted her in mid-April. Anna had been hooking up with this guy, Ian, for two months. Things were going great. He had a hot bod, he was amazing in bed (or so I heard), and he had even brought up summer vacation ideas with her. One day he just stopped texting.

“He asked me out to dinner on a Wednesday night. I later found out from his Facebook status that he was also going to South Africa on that same Wednesday.” While Ian jumped on a flight to Capetown, Anna was left staring at her blank phone screen, awaiting an apology that never came. Four months later she’s still comparing every new guy to him.

 

Most (normal) people at this stage would accept the fact that they’ve simply been rejected and move on. Normal is boring though. I refuse to play the “chill” girl, who sits back and lets the guy get away with this kind of behavior. Here’s a list in order of how I usually handle being ghosted.

I. Make sure to steal an article of his clothing if you sense something is up beforehand—that way he’s more likely to call if he wants it back.

 

II. Text him every 5 minutes until he replies.

 

III. If texting does not elicit a response, call him repeatedly.

 

VI. Send a paragraph long text about how pissed off you are at him.

 

V. DO NOT BLOCK him on Facebook or Instagram. This way he can still see how hot and successful you become in the months/years to follow.

 

VI. Swear off all boys completely…until next weekend.

 

VII. By the time you’re so over it, he will probably hit you up again.

 

VIII. Once he initiates contact, it’s now your turn to ghost him right back and then post pics of you wearing his clothes on social media. (try to guess what clothing isn’t actually mine on Instagram)

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