DATING DEALBREAKERS

Written by Alice Bell | Artwork by Christina M Garcia

I used to complain a lot about how guys were constantly ghosting me and my friends. I didn’t understand how after an amazing night, someone could just never text me back.

 

But then I moved to New York. Dating suddenly seemed like such a complete waste of time and energy. I found myself yawning on nights out, making excuses to leave after just one drink, and then not replying when a guy asked to see me again. One potential prospect even sent me a ghost emoji. I still didn’t answer. Instead of worrying about how single I was becoming, I finally took pride in it. What free time I did have had become too precious to spend it with these men I took little to no interest in.

 

So to avoid getting roped into seeing someone I barely like, I’ve come up with a list of non negotiable dating dealbreakers. If a guy commits one or more of the following, he will be ghosted immediately, no questions asked. Boys, you’ve been warned.

  1. Using the word “classy” in a sentence ever
  2. Asking if the Mediterranean Sea is the one next to Italy.
  3. Saying that you work “in sales at a startup.”
  4. Talking about any kind of sports team.
  5. Or about the gym.
  6. Asking if I want to drink a beer with you.
  7. Owning a Patagonia vest
  8. Or worse a velcro wallet
  9. Mentioning that you were in a college fraternity
  10. Using the word “romantic” in a sentence ever.
  11. Splitting a $150 bill with me on the first date.
  12. And making future vacation plans on the second
  13. Asking me what type of music I listen to.
  14. Or if I want to go to a concert with you
  15. Not commenting on my outfit.
  16. And then quoting The Devil Wears Prada to me.
  17. Calling me “dude” or “man.”
  18. Responding to texts after 5 seconds.
  19. Responding to texts after 5 days.
  20. Texting me at 1am every Saturday night/Sunday morning saying “hey what’s up?”
  21. Being unmotivated.
  22. Having a beard, man bun or signs of premature balding
  23. Not having Instagram.