“Daddy, why won’t he text me back? It’s been 5 whole days!!” I wailed to my father over Skype last month. I had worn out all my friends’ patience with my incessant boy problems, so I had turned to the very last person who wanted to hear about who I was sleeping with at the moment—my dad. This was a fairly common occurrence too, because I always have guy issues. After this last call though, my dad had had enough. “We’re getting you an appointment with a therapist,” he said before he logged off.

 

Two weeks later I found myself sitting in front of my computer screen, anxiously waiting for the psychiatrist to call me from her office in the United States. I was hesitant to speak with her. I had seen several psychiatrists before, throughout my angst ridden high school and college years, but they just had just thrown a few pill prescriptions at me and sent me on my way.

I never actually had to talk about my feelings. When the call came through at 7:00 p.m on the dot, I reluctantly hit “accept.” Within 5 minutes, I already had tears in my eyes as I recounted the story of the “guy who wouldn’t text back” (my new nickname for him).  But to my surprise, she didn’t make me go further into this.

 

Instead, she asked if I had ever had my astrological chart read. “You mean like a horoscope? Yeah, I read those every week on Refinery29.” was my response. But, that’s not what it was at all. After giving her the exact date, hour and minute of my birth, I spent the next 90 minutes listening to her tell me how my life will unfold.

 

“You will be extremely successful career wise, you will inherit a ton of money, and it is your destiny to live in Tokyo.”

“But what about boys?” I asked. It was still the only part I wanted to know.

 

“Hmmm..it doesn’t look too good. Relationships will not play a major role in your life. You will most likely not get married until late in life, and you will probably have an affair that ends in divorce.”

 

Hearing her tell me that I will have a shitty love life forever should have made me feel even more depressed, but it didn’t. I felt relieved, like I had one less thing to worry about. If boys aren’t meant to play a starring role in my life, then I shouldn’t let them. It was time to focus on all the money I’ll be making, and how to get in contact with Shoshanna from Girls about being potential roommates in Japan. Fuck that guy who is stupid enough to not text me back. I’ll be too busy climbing the ladder to success anyways.

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