“And then Aaron Carter married Hilary Duff, and they lived happily ever after.”
“Um…good story Alice. You can sit down now,” my 5th grade English teacher replied to the creative writing assignment I had just read aloud to the entire class.
The year was 2003, and life was good. As a 10 year old, I strutted down the hallways of my all girls middle school singing about how “my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” and gossiping with my friends about the latest episode of Lizzie McGuire from the night before. I lived for Friday afternoons when I could hit up the mall and buy fake hair extensions and clip-on earrings from Claire’s while sipping on a frappucino from the newly opened Starbucks. Afterwards, I would come home, plop myself on the couch in front of the television and turn on the Disney Channel.
Like the majority of kids my age, I had a mental list of my favorite Disney Channel original movies. And no, High School Musical does not count—that came waayyyy later.
Zenon, Smart House, and Brink! were high on the list, but then there were dozens of underrated classics, which continue to influence my current life decisions. I drunkenly bond with girls over a shared hatred for that girl in all the Halloweentown movies, and I still refer to Shia LaBeouf as Louis Stevens. Also, Johnny Tsunami was one hot preteen. To this day, he remains the subconscious reason I only date ethnic men.
It was only a matter of time before everyone else realized how relevant the Disney Channel is. Since fashion has worn out its references to all previous decades, it is reluctantly circling back to the early noughties—the years regarded as some of the worst for clothing. At last, the wardrobes of all my favorite Disney stars are back in style. 13 years after their initial peak, I find myself craving tight capri pants and cropped camis again. I’m still left with one unanswered question though:
Why would Aaron Carter ever cheat on Hilary Duff with Lindsay Lohan??